Monday, June 27, 2016

Hold Your Children Tight

Last week Ryan was in Southern Utah camping and hiking with the young men for High Adventure.  I was home with the kiddos.  Single mom.  Trying to stay positive.  Trying to find joy in the journey.  Trying not to yell too much.  Really, though, it was okay.  Sure, my kids are frustrating and I get exhausted by the end of the day and I resort to begging them to please go to bed while I’m curled on the floor whimpering…  But my stress levels were not all that high.  I know the Lord blesses those that serve and I know we were blessed while Ryan was away doing his calling. 

I sat there watching my kids playing and fighting and making messes when they were supposed to be going to bed.  And I felt a bit frustrated.  But here’s the thing.  I have four amazingly healthy, beautiful children!  Not everyone can say that.

There’s this ad on the radio for Primary Children’s Hospital that says something like, be happy your child is throwing a tantrum at the store, because he could be receiving chemo in the hospital.  Be happy your child is coloring on the walls, because she could be recovering from traumatic brain injury at the hospital. (Note: the actually ad doesn’t say these things, but something similar and you get the idea.)  How true is it, though?  Complain about your kids all you want, but the mother who lost her child recently would give anything to have something like that to complain about.

Yes, that is touching.  It makes you think a little bit.  But what really inspired this post, and got my mind whirring, were the tragic accidents that have been on the news lately.  (And by “the news” I mean on my Facebook feed because I purposely avoid the news so I don’t have to hear about all the sadness out there.)

A 3 or 4 year-old little boy climbed into the exhibit of the huge Silverback Gorillas at the zoo in Cincinnati.  He then fell 12-15 feet into the shallow moat where the Gorillas play.  The large male gorilla came up to him, and played with him.  He dragged him violently by the foot in the water.  There was a video.  It’s terrifying.  People also reported him dragging him up the wall/hill while his head banged against it.  I can’t even imagine being the mother of that child and watching, hoping the gorilla wouldn’t accidentally drown the kid or crush his head.  People stopped the mother from jumping in herself.  I’m not sure if I could’ve been stopped, but really what would that accomplish?  Then you’re both stuck in there.  The story ends with the kid being okay with minimal injuries, but the poor gorilla had to be shot in order to save the kid.  They tried calling him out of the exhibit, and the two females did exit but the male did not leave the kid.  And they decided tranquilizers were not an option as they take a few minutes to kick in and he could have a physical reaction to being shot before they took effect.

I had nightmares about that one for awhile and thanked our Heavenly Father that the boy was saved.  I wish that was the only one, but no.

Not long after there was another horribly tragic accident, which didn’t have as happy of an ending.  A 2-year-old boy playing on a beach at the Disney World resort in the little man-made lake, was attacked by an alligator and dragged into the water.  The father was close enough to try and wrestle him out of the gators mouth, but didn’t succeed.  Seriously, I about throw-up just thinking of it.  I can’t imagine the horror.  They caught and killed like four gators and looked in their stomach for signs up the boy.  I don’t know that they ever found anything.

I also watched a clip from a security video of a man trying to kidnap a 13-year-old girl in the middle of the day from a convenience store!  The mother fought him!  They were doing tug-of-war with the girl’s arms!  The guy gave up and tried to run away but an off-duty officer was outside the store and had a gun and I think was able to subdue him until police came.  Seriously, though?  Wrestling your child from a predator, human or animal.  Nightmare.

Along with all of these real-life horrors, I read a book called ‘Room’.  It’s from the point of view of a 5-year-old boy, born and raised in a room where his mother was being held for like eight years I think.  Now, this book is fiction but it’s loosely based off of a real life incident.  In this book the girl was 19 when she was taken and locked away.  She ended up having the baby of her captor, and raised him very well in this room of theirs.  They eventually escape and the boy has to be introduced to everything in the world.  A little hard for me to read, but interesting to think of what it would be like to never see the outdoors or many other things.

But what got me about the book was this woman’s mother, who had her 19-year-old daughter disappear for years and years.  And I started thinking that would definitely be worse than having your child die.  To know your daughter was out there, most likely being abused on a daily basis.  For how long?  This was about where I broke.

You see, I’m not scared for myself.  Me, as a woman, alone, I can handle things.  Even if something horrific happened to me, I have a testimony of life after this life and I could get through.  But now I have brought four children into this world that I am responsible for.  And I can do everything in my power to keep them safe.  But there are crazy things that can happen.  An ALLIGATOR at DISNEY WORLD.  What????  There is no planning for that one.  There are so many things that can go wrong.  Cancer, or other illnesses.  Bad accidents, hit by car because teenager is texting.  SIDS.  Child trafficking.  There are evils in this world.  Sometimes it’s hard to find the balance between the good and the evil.  You want to see the good in people, but there are so many disturbed people out there that are unpredictable.  Whether it’s mental illness or drugs, they do really bad things.  And then there are accidents.  And I have nightmares.  And I plead with the Lord every night to keep my children safe, to help me be a good mother and know how to protect them and teach them.

I am scared.  I’m not sure how I could go on living if something happened to my children.  I hope that is never a burden I am asked to carry.

All these thoughts ^^^^ are thoughts I had last week.  They were brought to the surface today when Kaden had an accident. 

We were at the park.  Kaden loves to be outside, and especially loves parks and slides.  The kids had a soccer camp today and between picking up Dylan and Kylee, and when Sadie’s age group started, we had half an hour to waste so we played at the park.  Kaden wanted to climb so I lifted him up on the playground equipment and he and Sadie were running on the little “bridge” that wobbles a little.  It has chains as a ‘railing’ and I guess I assumed if he stumbled they would keep him from falling.  Well, I was wrong.  I was still standing on the one end where I had lifted him up, but he stumbled at the other end and I couldn’t stop him.  He fell through the chains, about five feet, and landed on the bark at the bottom.  And then he didn’t cry, but laid there still.  My mom is in town this week and we both ran to him and she called 911.  I tried to hold his head/neck still and begged him to cry while I watched for him to breathe.  He must’ve knocked the wind out of him because he wasn’t breathing normal, short little gasps with too much time between.  He moaned a little.  It seemed like a long time, but I guess it was less than two minutes before he started whimpering more and crying harder.  Then he tried to sit up so I assumed his neck was okay and I held him.  We cancelled the ambulance and I drove him to the hospital since we were right next door and he was moving more.

I don’t really have words.  I could go my whole life without seeing my child unresponsive on the ground ever again.  Especially one so small.  This fourth child is going to be the death of me.  Am I too lax?  I swear I treated the other kids the same way and none of them had these things happen.  He is so accident prone, but really not clumsy so I’m not sure why he’s had so many accidents.  I swear they probably have a file started for me now to track us since he’s been seen so many times in his short life.  Then they will hear that I have stopped vaccinating him and I’ll really be investigated…

So, the end of the story is he seems to be fine.  We went to the ER, he screamed at the staff there not because he was in so much pain, but because he legitimately fears doctors.  Ryan met us there and Kaden got some much-needed Dada snuggles.  And Ryan took him back for his CT scan.  I stayed in the ER room but I could hear his screams from there.  I prayed they would get what they needed without sedating him.  Ryan came back and said they wrapped him up and strapped him down and got it done.  Thank goodness.  Kaden snuggled with both of us back and forth.  Poor kid.  Then Ryan left to take Kylee and Dylan home (Sadie was still at soccer) and Kaden was sad that he left, but ended up falling asleep on my shoulder.  So we stayed there like that until the results came back and the Dr came in and told me he looked good, no concerns, even in his spine.  Which means there was no trauma to the brain, at least not that he could see, and it was okay for Kaden to sleep (concussion victims aren’t supposed to sleep for whatever reason).  He said he may be slightly concussed and show some signs later today, but shouldn’t be too much.  When I was alone in the room with him again, him sleeping on my shoulder, I broke down.  I can hold it together when things need to get done.  Once he was done and safe in my arms, I lost it.  Only for a minute.  Then they signed us out and we went home.  So far, he’s showing no deficits, hasn’t vomited, hasn’t been miserable, didn’t even sleep for very long- woke up when I loaded him in the car and stayed awake for a couple more hours before I put him down for a proper nap.

I am counting my blessings, holding my littles tight, and rethinking my parenting…  This guy will now be within arm’s reach at all times near anything he may climb on.  And I will be more cautious from now on.  He’s going to end up thinking I’m overprotective.  He might be the only one I insist wears a helmet on anything with wheels at all times.  And no trampolines.  And no football for him.  Ever.  This kid does not need any more hits to the head.  I swear, for every time he has gotten hurt, there have been many, many other close-calls.  He is SO accident-prone.  I’m going to get an ulcer.

He’s pretty scraped and bruised.  But he’s going to be okay.  We were fortunate.  It could’ve been much worse. 

I’m scared of the future. For all my kids.  For what could happen to any of them at any given moment.  There are too many sad stories out there.  Most recently I read about a woman who fell asleep while her twin 3-year-olds were playing and woke up to find they had went outside, climbed into the truck, and couldn’t get the door open again.  They both died in the heat.  See, this is what I’m talking about.  My nerves are getting so high that I may not be functional soon.  I will homeschool my kids and never let them leave our yard.  I will place bubble wrap everywhere in our house and we will just be here.  I’ll order food online to be delivered.  That would totally work.

Oh yeah, then this happened shortly after we got home. 

About four houses away from us.  It’s still there.  Nobody was hurt.  Somehow the recycling truck caught fire, there were like three explosions.  The driver got out before that.  He’s fine.  Crazy things happen.  It’s a scary world.  At least I have faith that there is a plan for us and we are meant to be here.  And if the worst happens, we have our faith to help us through.  I would just prefer that the worst not happen.  Not to us.  




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